The Parenting Experts: Great Parenting

Expert Laura Gauld Discusses Bullying on NBC-CT

Executive Director of Hyde Schools Laura Gauld on how to prevent bullying

Author Malcolm Gauld to Discusses College Tips on WCSH6

Watch Malcolm Gauld discuss his new book, College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make it Happen, on WCSH6.

Parenting Expert and Author to Offer Workshop in Kennebunk, ME

Parenting expert and author Laura Gauld will present a workshop geared to parents, educators, and professionals interested in learning ways to parent effectively. Members of the community are invited to attend The Biggest Job Workshop on Thursday, October 27^th, 2011  from 7 – 8:30 p.m. at the Kennebunk Town Hall Auditorium, 1 Summer Street in Kennebunk, ME. Gauld’s interactive presentation is high-energy, compelling, and often humorous; it is based on the 10 Priorities outlined in her book The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program For Character-based Education and Parenting (Scribner).

Laura Gauld is Executive Director of Hyde Schools, a network of public and private schools whose pioneering philosophy has been profiled on 60 Minutes, 20/20, Today, PBS and NPR. Widely known for her success in setting up families, children, and business communities for success, she draws on more than three decades of experience as an education and parenting expert.   

The workshop is focused on how to raise and teach children effectively. Its messages are straightforward: the way adults live their lives must be consistent with the way they raise and teach children; principles are the most powerful force in influencing children in a positive way; and parents should focus on personal growth to allow their best parenting instincts to emerge. Participants learn specific ways to strengthen child-adult bonds and family relationships, to inspire children to fulfill their highest potential, and how focusing on attitude over aptitude, truth over harmony, and principles over rules can lead to success in efforts to positively influence children and teenagers.

“Parenting is the biggest job we’ll ever have,” says Laura Gauld, emphasizing that “It is hard; it is doable, and it is never too late to raise adults with strong character who can be leaders and make solid contributions to the world.”

To register for the workshop, or for more information, contact Jill Miller, 207-468-8682 or millerkennebunk@roadrunner.com.  This event is free to the public. For more information about the workshop schedule or the Hyde Schools, log on to its Web site at www.hyde.edu.

Leading Educator Offers No-Nonsense Guide to Surviving College

Darien, CT—For the high-school graduate—and for the parents supporting the graduate—the prospect of starting college can seem as daunting as entering a foreign country.  But leading educator Malcolm Gauld, president of the Hyde Schools, has some straightforward advice for them in “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make It Happen.”

He will talk to parents and students about his book at 7:30 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. on Wednesday, October 12, at Darien High School, 80 High School Lane, in Darien.  The event is sponsored by the Parent Awareness Network of the YWCA Darien/Norwalk.

Written with honesty, insight, and a touch of humor, “College Success Guaranteed” originated from a speech that Gauld delivers every spring to college-bound seniors. Gauld expanded on his talk by interviewing college students and recent graduates about their experiences. The result is a book that includes candid feedback from students and graduates of dozens of colleges and universities in the United States, with a focus on the simple things to “do” after enrolling in college, as opposed to the “don’ts,” or negative actions to avoid.

Using a frank, occasionally irreverent approach, Gauld breaks his plan down into five rules:  go to class, study, commit to an activity, get a mentor and don’t procrastinate. The rules may seem simple, but Gauld uses the words of actual students and recent grads to deliver essential information. Under studying, for instance, he analyzes the pros and cons of listening to music, how to “rip the guts out” of any book in two hours, group versus individual study and why three hours a day, five days a week is a basic formula that works.

“I have taught and coached teenagers for more than three decades and watched thousands of them go off to college,” says Gauld. “Some just take off like rockets from the get-go.  Others either fail to launch or crash and burn before midterms. Independent time-management is the key.”

Gauld will also offer parents five rules to follow as they help their college-bound students transition from the nest to adulthood.  His message to parents will form the core of his forthcoming book.

Gauld is president of the Hyde Schools, a network of public and boarding schools and programs dedicated to the development of character in students and families, with locations in Bath, ME, Woodstock, CT, New Haven, CT, and Bronx and Brooklyn, NY.  An educator for more than three decades, he is co-author of “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have,” written with his wife, Laura.

Admission is free. For more information about this event, contact 860-963-4721. To preorder the book, go to Amazon.com.  

Leading Educator Offers No-Nonsense Guide to Surviving College

Darien, CT—For the high-school graduate—and for the parents supporting the graduate—the prospect of starting college can seem as daunting as entering a foreign country. But leading educator Malcolm Gauld, president of the Hyde Schools, has some straightforward advice for them in “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make It Happen.”

He will talk to parents and students about his book at 7:30 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. on Wednesday, October 12, at Darien High School, 80 High School Lane, in Darien.  The event is sponsored by the Darien YWCA.

Written with honesty, insight, and a touch of humor “College Success Guaranteed” originated from a speech that Gauld delivers every spring to college-bound seniors. Gauld expanded on his talk by interviewing college students and recent graduates about their experiences. The result is a book that includes candid feedback from students and graduates of dozens of colleges and universities in the United States, with a focus on the simple things to “do” after enrolling in college, as opposed to the “don’ts,” or negative actions to avoid.

Using a frank, occasionally irreverent approach, Gauld breaks his plan down into five rules:  go to class, study, commit to an activity, get a mentor and don’t procrastinate. The rules may seem simple, but Gauld uses the words of actual students and recent grads to deliver essential information. Under studying, for instance, he analyzes the pros and cons of listening to music, how to “rip the guts out” of any book in two hours, group versus individual study and why three hours a day, five days a week is a basic formula that works.

“I have taught and coached teenagers for more than three decades and watched thousands of them go off to college,” says Gauld. “Some just take off like rockets from the get-go.  Others either fail to launch or crash and burn before midterms. Independent time-management is the key.”

Gauld will also offer parents five rules to follow as they help their college-bound students transition from the nest to adulthood.  His message to parents will form the core of his forthcoming book.

Gauld is president of the Hyde Schools, a network of public and boarding schools and programs dedicated to the development of character in students and families, with locations in Bath, ME, Woodstock, CT, New Haven, CT, and Bronx and Brooklyn, NY.  An educator for more than three decades, he is co-author of “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have,” written with his wife, Laura.

Admission is free. For more information about this event, contact 860-963-4721. To preorder the book, go to Amazon.com.

Advice for the College-Bound

by Malcolm Gauld
President, Hyde Schools
Author, College Success Guaranteed – 5 Rules to Make It Happen

As summer draws to a close, hundreds of anxious teenagers anticipate the transition from high school to college.  Whether heading out of state or staying close to home, a brand new world awaits.

Having taught high school students for 35 years, I’ve watched thousands of kids make this transition.  I’ve also observed that some return to visit a year later with the aura of conquering heroes while others look and feel, well, pretty bummed out.  I recently wrote a book intended to help more students complete Year #1 as a member of the first group.

Relax… I avoid the “don’ts” that your parents, relatives, teachers, and coaches have no doubt already covered.  I also resist the temptation to lay a guilt trip over how much it costs.  (That’s because I’m trying to figure out how to pay for the college expenses of my own kids!)

Instead, I offer five simple rules for success that come highly recommended by the scores of college students I interviewed for the book.  Rules may not be cool, but consider the notion that the biggest threat to first-time college students is the danger of drowning in free time.  You’re about to be thrown into the deep end of the pool.  Maybe a few simple rules can help you find your stroke in the early going.  Here goes:

Rule #1:  Go to Class!

Whenever students and/or parents first hear this rule, they invariably respond with “Duh!!!”  Back in high school, if you just stopped going to class, you’d likely find yourself in hot water within 24 hours.  In college, chances are good that no one knows or cares if you are going to class at all.  All of the students I have known who have failed out of college have shared one thing in common – they didn’t go to class.  Conversely, I have never met a student who went to all of his/her classes who flunked out of school.  If you honor the simple commitment to attend all of your classes, a number of good things will fall into place.  Furthermore, a whole host of bad ones will never visit your door.

Rule #2:  Study 3 Hours Times 5 Days Per Week

Just as you need to go to class, you need to study.  (I know… “Duh!!!”)  Many students struggle with the idea of transitioning from “homework” (a term you will never hear in college) to “studying.”  Whereas your high school teachers might tell you your assignment for the next day, your professors might present you with a semester-long syllabus on the first day of class.  You may have nothing due for six weeks.  Before you exclaim, “College is awesome; let’s party!” Think again.  It can be hard to make yourself study when nothing is due for a month and a half.  So, rather than focus on assignment completion, commit to studying for a set amount of time each and every weekday regardless of what is due.  I’m not promising that you’ll make Dean’s List, but if you can commit to a minimum of 15 hours per week, you will be a student in good standing.  You will also minimize the anxiety many of your schoolmates will face as papers and exams come due at the end of the semester.

Rule #3:  Commit to Something

I have heard many parents urge their students to refrain from athletics and extracurricular activities in the first year.  I disagree.  When I was in college, I played a spring sport.  I also did better academic work in the spring than I did in the fall.  I had to keep a schedule.  My coach would check up on my grades.  I couldn’t split for long weekends because I had to go to lacrosse practice.  If sports aren’t your thing, try out for a campus theatrical production, write for the paper, get involved with campus recycling, get a work-study or off-campus job.  Not only will a regular commitment to something connect you with constructive and maybe even lifelong friendships, my experience says that your participation will enhance (and not detract from) your academic performance.

Rule #4:  Get a Mentor

Whether a professor, coach, dean, or off-campus employer, seek out people with life experience who can give you both support and a kick in the pants when you need it. In high school, teachers are expected to look out for you and lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on when you need it.  While you don’t need these things any less in college, assume that the burden lies with you to take the initiative and seek them out.

Rule #5:  Procrastination Kills

In one group interview, I asked, “What is the one thing you would tell a kid starting college tomorrow?”  One student responded, “Procrastination Kills.”  Then everyone in the room began sharing their procrastination stories, unknowingly serving up an assortment of tricks and techniques, many of which found their way into my book.  While these were all over the park, they had something to do with doing something… Right  Now.

Look at it this way, there are 168 hours in a week.  The above five rules will tie up less than a quarter of them, leaving you with 120+ for purposes of sleep, leisure, and recreation.  (Yeah, college is awesome indeed!)  I don’t promise that you’re about to experience the best four years of your life.  But there’s gotta be a reason why so many people say so.  Good luck and… Go To Class!

Education Expert Malcolm Gauld Discusses New College Success Book on WTNH Channel 8

Malcolm Gauld is recognized as one of the nation’s leading experts on character education and parenting. His character development program, delivered at the Hyde schools, has been featured on The Today Show, PBS, and much more. A natural storyteller, Malcolm uses humor and personal experience to convey his practical, insightful, and timely messages on parenting, character, and leadership to a wide mainstream audience. "LIKE" College Success on Facebook.

Leading Educator Offers No-Nonsense Guide to Surviving College

For the high-school graduate, the prospect of starting college can seem as daunting as entering a foreign country.  But leading educator Malcolm Gauld, president of the Hyde Schools, has some straightforward advice for them in “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make it Happen.”

He will talk about his book at 7:30 p.m. Monday, August 8, at the New Canaan Library.  Event co-sponsor Elm Street Books will sell copies of the book, which will be available for signing.

Written with honesty, insight, and a touch of humor, “College Success Guaranteed” originated from a speech that Gauld delivers every spring to college-bound seniors. Gauld expanded on his talk by interviewing college students and recent graduates about their experiences. The result is a book that includes candid feedback from students and graduates of dozens of colleges and universities in the United States, with a focus on the simple things to “do” after enrolling in college, as opposed to the “don’ts,” or negative actions to avoid.

Using a frank, occasionally irreverent approach, Gauld breaks his plan down into five rules:  go to class, study, commit to an activity, get a mentor and don’t procrastinate. The rules may seem simple, but Gauld uses the words of actual students and recent grads to deliver essential information. Under studying, for instance, he analyzes the pros and cons of listening to music, how to “rip the guts out” of any book in two hours, group versus individual study and why three hours a day, five days a week is a basic formula that works.

“I have taught and coached teenagers for more than three decades and watched thousands of them go off to college,” says Gauld. “Some just take off like rockets from the get-go.  Others either fail to launch or crash and burn before midterms. Independent time-management is the key.”

Gauld is president of the Hyde Schools, a network of public and boarding schools and programs dedicated to the development of character in students and families, with locations in Bath, ME, Woodstock, CT, New Haven, CT, Washington, DC, and Bronx, NY.  An educator for over three decades, he is co-author of “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have,” written with his wife, Laura.

Admission is free, but reservations are recommended – call 203-594-5040 or email programs@newcanaanlibrary.org. To preorder a book, call Elm Street Books at 203-966-4545.

Happiness – Good By-Product… Bad Goal

by Malcolm Gauld
President, Hyde Schools
Author, “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make It Happen” | Amazon | Facebook

Entering my third decade as a high school teacher in the late 90s, I wasn’t sure why I cringed when I would hear teenagers refer to Mom or Dad as “My Best Friend.”  Everyone in the room would beam with warmth.  It sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. 

Maybe that’s why my heart lifted when I saw the cover of the July/August Atlantic Monthly magazine.  Featuring an illustration of a golden trophy inscribed with the citation “Good Try,” the headline screams: How the Cult of Self-Esteem is Ruining Our Kids.  The main article, by Lori Gottlieb, is entitled How to Land Your Kid in Therapy – Why the Obsession With Our Kids’ Happiness May Be Dooming Them to Unhappy Adulthoods.

Combining her research with that of several colleagues, Gottlieb makes some points that might strike some as counterintuitive.  She…

• Argues that our obsession with happiness (and our warped understanding of it) is doing deep  damage to our kids; 
• Poses the idea that we may be spending too much time with our kids;
• Wonders if we are not serving our own emotional needs at the expense of our kids;
• Thinks we may be giving our kids too many choices.

Regarding happiness, Gottlieb suggests that “The American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way.”

She quotes Barry Schwartz, a professor at Swarthmore College: “Happiness as a byproduct of living your life is a great thing.  But happiness as a goal is a recipe for disaster.”  Gottlieb wonders, “Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we’re depriving them of happiness as adults?”

Using the analogy of a young girl who trips and skins her knee, UCLA psychiatrist Paul Bohn makes the case for resisting the parental urge to immediately jump to the child’s aid: “If you don’t let her experience that momentary confusion, give her the space to figure out what just happened (Oh, I tripped), and then briefly let her grapple with the frustration of having fallen and perhaps even try to pick herself up, she has no idea what discomfort feels like, and will have no framework for how to recover when she feels discomfort later in life.”

Gottlieb notes that helping a child with a skinned knee seems like the right thing to do until “these toddlers become the college kids who text their parents with an SOS if the slightest thing goes wrong, instead of attempting to figure out how to deal with it themselves.”

In Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age, Harvard psychologist Dan Kindlon argues that the “psychological immunity” that kids must develop requires an acquaintance with painful feelings: “It’s like the way our body’s immune system develops.  You have to be exposed to pathogens, or your body won’t know how to respond to an attack.  Kids also need exposure to discomfort, failure, and struggle.”  Otherwise, he maintains, “By the time they’re teenagers, they have no experience with hardship.” 

Turning to the notion of quality time, Gottlieb observes, “Back in graduate school, the clinical focus had always been on how the lack of parental attunement affects the child.  It never occurred to any of us to ask, what if the parents are too attuned?  What happens to those kids?”

These days, it has become a badge of parental honor to boast, “I never miss my kid’s games.”  (I know some who rarely miss a practice!)  Just to offer the jolt of a different perspective, I like to urge parents to miss a game intentionally: “You’ll definitely have something to talk about later.”  They invariably look at me as though I’ve been beamed down from Mars.

My point?  Why are you really going to all the games?  Does it fulfill a need that your child has?  Or does it fulfill a need that you have?  Maybe your father never went to your games.  Maybe you’re trying to fix your family of origin.  (Impossible.)    

Family psychologist Jeff Blume believes that “we’re confusing our own needs with our kids’ needs and calling it good parenting.”  He goes on to say, “It’s sad to watch.  I can’t tell you how often I have to say to parents that they’re putting too much emphasis on their kids’ feelings because of their own issues. If a therapist is telling you to pay less attention to your kid’s feelings, you know something has gotten way out of whack.”

Turning to choice, Jean Twenge, co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic, observes, “We treat our kids like adults when they’re children, and we infantilize them when they’re 18 years old.” 

Maybe we give our kids a lot of choices because we didn’t have them growing up.  However, Gottlieb notes, “We didn’t expect so much choice, so it didn’t bother us not to have it until we were older, when we were ready to handle the responsibility it requires.”

Gottlieb’s motivation is fueled by too many patients who seem to love their parents but can’t handle life.  As a parent, which would you rather have: a teenager who occasionally professes dislike for you but grows into a well-adjusted 30-year old – OR – a 30-year old who loves you but can’t function as an adult? 

If, like me, you’re a Baby-Boomer, you probably want both.  So, stay focused on discipline and respect, and chances are you’ll end up with a well-adjusted adult and a loving relationship.  On the other hand, focus on nurturing a loving relationship and you may well end up with neither.  And that’s a lot worse than the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.

Education Expert: Teachers Cheating? Only Natural

Bath, Maine—The controversial importance of test scores in public schools has been brought to the forefront of the news, as CNN reports a shocking cheating crisis — not by students this time — but by teachers and school officials.

Today's headlines are filled with the discovery of 187 educators in the Atlanta public school system who have falsified and changed students' answers on tests over the past decade to raise student scores.

In a statement that begins to get at the core of this national issue, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal said that "testing and results and targets being reached became more important than actual learning for children."

"This is an unfortunate outcome of the achievement culture that has been imposed on our educational system," says author and education expert Malcolm Gauld. "But perhaps this discovery is the call for change that we need to allow the achievement pendulum to swing back to a more healthy and productive place for children and educators."

Malcolm Gauld is president of Hyde Schools, a network of college preparatory public charter and boarding schools in New York City, Connecticut and Maine that are rooted in character education. He is the author of “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make It Happen” (Rowman & Littlefield 2011) and co-author of the parenting book "The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have.” (Scribner)

"Today's students are under unprecedented pressure to achieve," Gauld says. "They know we have created an educational system that values their aptitude more than their attitude, their ability more than their effort, and their talent more than their character. They are surrounded by signs that tell them WHAT they can do is more important than WHO they are, regardless of the code of conduct posted on the classroom wall."

According to Gauld, students, teachers — and now schools — are pushed to succeed in a grade-based system that starts naming winners at an early age, so a 'win at any cost' philosophy takes over. Now that test scores are key in determining levels of staffing and school funding, teachers can exhibit the same fear and desperation about grades as their students.

"What has transpired in Atlanta is the natural outcome of this approach to education, and there are serious ramifications to the winning at any cost mentality," he says, "including the loss of real self-esteem and the ability to be an honest role model to kids."

This emphasis on grades, which has little to do with character or the child’s overall effort, is the reason Gauld's father founded the original Hyde School in Maine in 1966.

"As a teacher, my father didn't understand giving a good student, who struggled and honestly tried his best, his worst grade while giving another student, who didn't really care, an easy A. It didn't make sense to him then, and with what we’ve learned from these teachers in Atlanta, it doesn’t make sense now."

Gauld adds that the Hyde approach places principles at the core of its educational philosophy. Five principles — courage, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and concern — are part of every lesson plan at the schools’ boarding and public schools, and attitude and effort are included when measuring student performance.

“I received grades for my effort and attitude in the classroom,” says Hyde graduate Kayla MacMillan. “Getting the ‘A’ in class not only meant getting the right answer, but having a good attitude about learning.”

A growing concern at the decline of ethical awareness over the past decade has led to a reemergence of character education in public and private schools throughout the country. While Gauld contends that the trend — as part of educational reform — is movement in the right direction, he sees few schools that infuse character development into all areas of learning.

“Students need to grow and strive together, but without the performance pressure that leads to vacuous competition,” Gauld says. “Additionally, if teachers — and parents — are not modeling positive standards for learning to students, it’s all for naught.”

"Grades matter, but in the end, who you are matters more than how you stack up against others. That goes for teachers, too."