The Parenting Experts: Great Parenting

Creating a Character Culture - The First Ingredient

 

The July 2 issue of The New Yorker published an article called, "Spoiled Rotten: Why Do Kids Rule the Roost?" that describes the frustrations many parents are experiencing today because their kids are unable to do things for themselves and are dependent on their parents for things that really should be their job and responsibility. This epidemic of spoiled kids has given rise to a new genre of parenting books, such as The Price of Privilege, Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success, and A Nation of Wimps. Kolbert writes: "The books are less how-to guides than how-not-to's: how not to give in to your toddler, how not to intervene whenever your teenager looks bored, how not to spend two hundred thousand dollars on tuition only to find your twenty-something graduate back at home, drinking all your beer."

Raising kids of character might mean doing less for them. It might mean allowing them to be frustrated at times and learning to work it out. And it certainly means making them responsible around the house.

Priority #8 in The Biggest Job is Create a Character Culture. The first important ingredient for building this culture is: Get a Job – everyone needs to learn how to work. If the child is too young for a paying job, they can do volunteer work. A job not only contributes useful work, but instills a sense of accomplishment. Even toddlers can pick up their toys each evening. By encouraging your child to get a job, or giving your younger children jobs, it will build your child's character, and help them learn to be independent.

Next month: Ingredient #2 for creating a character culture-- family meetings

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By Pam Hardy, as taken from this month's The Biggest Job/Parenting Expert eNewsletter. Sign up to receive the eNewsletter at http://www.hyde.edu/about-hyde-school/hyde-email/ and choose "Parenting Expert."

 

Education Expert: Teachers Cheating? Only Natural

Bath, Maine—The controversial importance of test scores in public schools has been brought to the forefront of the news, as CNN reports a shocking cheating crisis — not by students this time — but by teachers and school officials.

Today's headlines are filled with the discovery of 187 educators in the Atlanta public school system who have falsified and changed students' answers on tests over the past decade to raise student scores.

In a statement that begins to get at the core of this national issue, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal said that "testing and results and targets being reached became more important than actual learning for children."

"This is an unfortunate outcome of the achievement culture that has been imposed on our educational system," says author and education expert Malcolm Gauld. "But perhaps this discovery is the call for change that we need to allow the achievement pendulum to swing back to a more healthy and productive place for children and educators."

Malcolm Gauld is president of Hyde Schools, a network of college preparatory public charter and boarding schools in New York City, Connecticut and Maine that are rooted in character education. He is the author of “College Success Guaranteed: Five Rules to Make It Happen” (Rowman & Littlefield 2011) and co-author of the parenting book "The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have.” (Scribner)

"Today's students are under unprecedented pressure to achieve," Gauld says. "They know we have created an educational system that values their aptitude more than their attitude, their ability more than their effort, and their talent more than their character. They are surrounded by signs that tell them WHAT they can do is more important than WHO they are, regardless of the code of conduct posted on the classroom wall."

According to Gauld, students, teachers — and now schools — are pushed to succeed in a grade-based system that starts naming winners at an early age, so a 'win at any cost' philosophy takes over. Now that test scores are key in determining levels of staffing and school funding, teachers can exhibit the same fear and desperation about grades as their students.

"What has transpired in Atlanta is the natural outcome of this approach to education, and there are serious ramifications to the winning at any cost mentality," he says, "including the loss of real self-esteem and the ability to be an honest role model to kids."

This emphasis on grades, which has little to do with character or the child’s overall effort, is the reason Gauld's father founded the original Hyde School in Maine in 1966.

"As a teacher, my father didn't understand giving a good student, who struggled and honestly tried his best, his worst grade while giving another student, who didn't really care, an easy A. It didn't make sense to him then, and with what we’ve learned from these teachers in Atlanta, it doesn’t make sense now."

Gauld adds that the Hyde approach places principles at the core of its educational philosophy. Five principles — courage, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and concern — are part of every lesson plan at the schools’ boarding and public schools, and attitude and effort are included when measuring student performance.

“I received grades for my effort and attitude in the classroom,” says Hyde graduate Kayla MacMillan. “Getting the ‘A’ in class not only meant getting the right answer, but having a good attitude about learning.”

A growing concern at the decline of ethical awareness over the past decade has led to a reemergence of character education in public and private schools throughout the country. While Gauld contends that the trend — as part of educational reform — is movement in the right direction, he sees few schools that infuse character development into all areas of learning.

“Students need to grow and strive together, but without the performance pressure that leads to vacuous competition,” Gauld says. “Additionally, if teachers — and parents — are not modeling positive standards for learning to students, it’s all for naught.”

"Grades matter, but in the end, who you are matters more than how you stack up against others. That goes for teachers, too."

Character Education is the Way Forward - Part Two

SUMMARY: Laura and Malcolm Gauld, parenting and education experts, have prepared a timely 3-part series for your education focus. Enclosed is the second article of the three.

These address the issue of character and challenges that pertain to middle school and high school kids across the nation — namely, character and sports, cheating and bullying, peer pressure, academic pressure, and other important topics. You are invited to run these as a series, or to use any of the press releases.

The Gaulds have led the way in character education for three decades as leaders of a network of public and private schools. Their "Attitude over Aptitude" philosophy has been featured on many major national television, radio networks and news magazines, and in print. They are also the authors of the parenting book "The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have" and the seminars that evolved from it. Laura and Malcolm are available for radio interviews.

Education Experts: Character Education is the Way Forward — Part II

Today’s students  may think nothing of copying and plagiarizing from the Internet to write a paper, or even having others write it for them. And that’s just the beginning.

As several studies indicate, there is a cheating epidemic in our schools, and it is not confined to low-achieving or unmotivated students. Today cheating is common among most types of students: boys, girls, athletes, smart kids, student leaders, and even those with "strong religious beliefs."

To Malcolm Gauld, this comes as no surprise.

"Kids will never misread our true expectations of them. They know we have created an educational system that values their aptitude more than their attitude, their ability more than their effort and their talent more than their character. They are surrounded by signs that tell them that WHAT they can do is more important than WHO they are, regardless of the code of conduct posters on the classroom wall."

Gauld is president of Hyde Schools, a network of public charter and prep schools in New York City, Washington DC, Connecticut and Maine that are rooted in character education. Along with his wife Laura, he is the author of the parenting book “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have” and the seminars that emerged from it.

Gauld asserts that, in short, many students are not learning, but doing only what they need to do to make the grade — thereby setting themselves up for a tremendous pitfall.

“We live in an achievement culture that can make it extremely easy for test scores and awards to lure good kids into a false sense of fulfillment,” says Gauld. “Many students are pushed to succeed by parents and a grade-based system that starts naming winners at an early age. A 'win at any cost' philosophy takes over. Kids are gripped by these powerful influences that can and do manifest themselves in potentially harmful ways.”

There are serious ramifications to winning at any cost, according to Gauld. One of those harmful ways is the loss of the opportunity to build real self-esteem earned by genuine best efforts and hard work.

“The development of authentic self-esteem — and the greatest chance of true and meaningful success — rest on a foundation of principles and knowing you have done your best with honest efforts,” says Gauld. ”True self-esteem is essential, and once earned can never be taken away.”

For Hyde Schools, the foundation of guiding principles lies in what they call the 10 Priorities.

These include priorities that can go against the grain of our culture, including: Truth over Harmony; Principles over Rules; Attitude over Aptitude; Valuing Success and Failure; among others.

According to Gauld, the principles are the same for everyone, whether they are "easy A" students, academically challenged, or struggling with prioritizing. As a result, the students are encouraged to be who they are, share who they are, and grow in a genuine fashion together.

The shift in priorities results in the absence of cheating and other trends that blight the school system, including bullying.

"Character is inspired, not imparted," he says. "We cannot pour it into our kids or our families. It must be developed and nurtured. In a character culture, achievement is valued, but principles are valued more. What you stand for is more important than how you stack up against others."

For more information on parenting and education experts Laura and Malcolm Gauld, contact Rose Mulligan at (207) 837-9441, by email at [email protected] and visit Hyde.edu.

Education Experts: Why Bullying Continues to Thrive

What’s the hot video on YouTube this week? The latest song by Katy Perry? A Justin Bieber faux pas?  Guess again.

It is a video of Congressman Joel Burns of Texas sharing his emotional testimony about bullying at a Fort Worth City Council meeting. The video has garnered more than 1.6 million clicks, his anti-bullying message has gone viral, and it is reported that he has received more than 7,000 messages through e-mail and Facebook.

“It comes as no surprise that the congressman was a victim of bullying himself, and that he would receive such a substantial response,” says Malcolm Gauld, president of Hyde Schools and co-author with his wife Laura of the parenting book “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have.” “Teen bullying has reached epidemic levels in our country, and it is beginning at a younger and younger age.”

“Often bullying goes on for years, beginning in elementary school and growing much worse in middle school,” says Laura Gauld. “Many parents are concerned that bullying is associated with teen suicide.”

At present there is a national focus on bullying, and families are hoping for a solution—one that can include school administrators, the community, students and parents.

The Gaulds have experience in the solution.

“We have found that the way to end bullying is not to address it as an unfortunate outcome, but to prevent it from beginning,” says Malcolm. “We have done this by creating and supporting a character culture in our schools and community.”

The Hyde Schools are an organization of prep and charter schools in Maine, Connecticut, New York City and Washington DC with 45 years of experience in character education. The result is a respectful school environment with minimal bullying.

Notably, the Hyde School in Washington D.C. is an urban school with the unique absence of metal detectors at the entrance. They are not necessary.

As opposed to typical punitive actions in response to bullying (in environments that tend to encourage bullying) the Gaulds suggest the creation of a character culture where deeper principles are at the core of relationships and daily life.

“We tend to think that we can tackle bullying by using a defensive approach,” says Laura. “If we’re serious about diminishing it, we create environments for children that encourage honesty and compassion—THAT has to be the priority. We can’t just say we have an intolerance for bullying, we have to live in our environments in a way that doesn’t breed it.”

Malcolm adds: Taking an offensive approach means we’re serious about raising good, decent human beings with strong character who wouldn’t tolerate bullying themselves.”

The Gaulds refer to the 10 Priorities or principles, which they have implemented in their schools, to create an environment where bullying won’t thrive. The principles include:

TRUTH OVER HARMONY
This priority calls upon us to put the weight of our feet on the side of truth. Find out what is going on in a child’s life. Children, tell your parents, teachers and other adults in your life with whom you connect what is happening.

ATTITUDE OVER APTITUDE
Our families, schools, and communities can be healthy if we value attitude over aptitude, effort over ability, and character over talent. Parents and schools focused on only achievements can send the message that successful outcomes are more important than honest efforts. As a result, children often do not share their difficulties for fear of disappointing or giving an unflattering impression of themselves to the adults in their lives.

HUMILITY TO ASK FOR AND RECEIVE HELP
While parents and teachers focus on helping children, many avoid asking others for help. Consequently, they raise children who do not ask for help.

“When it comes to bullying, we need to do all these things,” says Malcolm. “We need to discuss the matter honestly and freely, value our kids’ genuine struggles and trials, and work as a team.”

Here are some basic tactics the Gaulds suggest:

1. Raise the issue. There is no need to wait for bullying to occur. Discuss it at home, in classrooms and groups.
   
   “We tend to have private conversations about bullying,” says Laura, “the kind of ‘let’s talk about this over here,’ or in the principal’s office, conversation. That’s one way to fuel the bully. Stop making it a private, personal issue. It’s a community issue that needs to be discussed openly, in front of each other, in the classroom, between students, and at home…loudly.”
2. Let students know what is expected of them.
   “It often isn’t spelled out,” says Malcolm. “Teachers and parents, tell your students and children exactly what you’re expecting of them. I expect you to… act respectfully… treat others well… participate in the positive environment of your home or school… if you don’t, you will continue to hear from me.”
3. Let it be known there will be zero tolerance for bullying.
4. Focus on the positive.
   “We sometimes are so busy focusing on our problems, we can forget to emphasize the positive,” says Laura. “Part of countering the bully culture is to show support for all of our children and to tell them when they do something good, right or well.”
5. Praise acts of support among peers.
   “It is not cool to hurt your peers,” says Malcolm. “It is cool to help your friends. Our children and teenagers should hear that message loud and clear.”
   “An honest and positive school environment where kids look out for each other is possible,” say the Gaulds. “Students can't do it by themselves. We cannot do it for them. But we can form a partnership that gets it done."

For more information on Hyde Schools, Malcolm and Laura Gauld, and “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have,” contact Rose Mulligan at [email protected], call (207) 837-9441 or visit hyde.edu.

Parenting Experts: What Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day

As husbands and kids seek out the perfect gifts to buy, brunch to attend, and cards to make for mom this Mother’s Day, keep in mind that there is one gift for mom that surpasses all.

“Deep down, what many mothers want is to be the best mother they can be,” says parenting expert Laura Gauld, co-author with her husband Malcolm of the parenting book The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have, and the Biggest Job parenting seminars and heads of Hyde Schools. “Their greatest gift will be the satisfaction that they have raised their kids to be self-sufficient, compassionate adults with healthy self-esteem.”

But how can we make sure our kids head in that direction?

“While mothers give so much to their children, we can at times get a little lost in what our role is,” says Laura. ”Sometimes we want to hold and coddle our children a little too much, or not challenge them enough. We need some reminders. We need to focus.”

As a gift to mothers everywhere on this special day, the Gaulds offer some concepts on parenting that mothers can wrap their minds around in order to reach that goal. Here are some simple yet effective principles they recommend:

1. First, you have to understand your job as parent.
   
   This, the Gaulds emphasize, is the foundation of parenting. Like any job, one must understand the duties and responsibilities that go along with the position!
   
   “Most of the unproductive attitudes that surface in our parenting stem from a strong desire to play the role we WANT to play in our children's lives, rather than accepting the role we NEED to play,” says Laura.
   
   “We can be friendly with our children, but we are not their ‘friends,’” adds Malcolm. “Parents often make this mistake, trying to be buddies with their sons or sorority sisters with their daughters. We want good relationships with our kids, but our role is to teach and guide them, first and foremost.”
   
   This dovetails with a prevalent parenting trend the Gaulds coin as “love seeking,” where parents confuse loving their children with pursuing it.
   
   “We earn our children’s love by first earning their respect,” says Laura. “That means always seeing the relationship as secondary. Our job is to model daily character, demonstrate what we believe, and make choices that may or may not be popular. That’s parenting.”
   
2. Raise your children to be accountable to life.
   
   “This is vital,” says Laura. “We have only a short time to instill the values that will assist our children in putting their lives together. If we tie them to us, we may not be able to fully teach the lessons that life requires.”
   
   Laura offers some straightforward tips to help mothers understand and practice this principle:
   
   a). Don’t do for your children what they can do for themselves. This is a hard one. Don’t rush in to fix every challenge your children encounter. Learn to step back and let them work some things out for themselves with a friend, teacher or coach.
   
   b). Teach the value of failure as well as success. You experienced for yourself the life lessons learned from failure, as well as success.
   
   c). Give your children the same opportunity to grow and learn. Look for the positive but don't "gush." Praise your children appropriately.
   
   “We all want to eliminate the painful elements of our experience from our children’s lives – but we can’t,” says Laura. “They need to encounter similar struggles in developing their identity. If we rob them of this, we cause greater hardship for them as adults. Give them some facts and your good advice – then let them grow.”
   
3. Build family traditions.
   
   “The big picture of raising children is done with the actions, routines, and practices that make up a lifetime of memories, habits, and character,” Laura says. “It is never too late to start a family tradition, and often the value of these actions is seen looking back at one's upbringing.”
   
   Some tips to guide mothers in their efforts to build family traditions:
   
   a). Whether it's a weekly walk on a trail or to the park, sharing the preparation of a special meal where everyone has a part, or a family visit to the local animal shelter to volunteer, these activities will make lasting memories and add to your children’s positive attitude.
   
   b). Hold weekly family meetings where everyone is invited to share ideas, thoughts, fears, challenges and stories. Taking the time to communicate about what matters to each family member builds trust and a supportive family unit.
   
   c). Assign family jobs. Everyone in the family needs to own a part of the responsibility of creating a clean, welcoming, and organized home. One of the best lessons in life parents can teach their children is that being a member of a family or group means being a contributor to the betterment of that group. It also gives children an opportunity to learn something about themselves and how important work is in their lives.
   
   d). Take time out for mandatory fun. Determine a time when the family can come together to do something downright fun and silly. This is a time when each member gets to take turns choosing an activity and all members attend. It’s perfect. Everyone gets the chance to do what they enjoy.
   
   “It’s amazing how much family members learn about each other and grow to appreciate others’ interests with this simple exercise,” says Laura. “I have seen family members resist this adamantly only to later see the positive in sharing these family moments.”
   
4. Have faith in your child's individual potential.
   
   “Every child had a unique purpose in the world,” says Laura. “We must believe in that purpose, even if we cannot understand it, and we must allow the larger forces (people, faith, etc.) to play their role in our children’s journey.” 
   
   For mothers who want to help their children discover their potential, Laura offers:
   
   a). Resist labeling your child in any way. In this achievement- and diagnoses-oriented culture, it is too easy to assign a tag to a child – the good one, the fat one, the smart one, the dumb one, the angry one. Honor your children’s individuality by allowing them to share their own moments of self-discovery and guiding them toward becoming the people they are meant to be.
   
   b). Give other adult mentors in your children’s lives the chance to challenge guide, support, and challenge them.
   
   “Mentors often become the people in your children’s lives who can teach them what you cannot or reinforce the important lessons you seek to impart,” says Laura. “Allowing this to happen will provide another vehicle for your children’s personal growth.”
   
   c). Model daily character for your child. Relay in your words and actions that WHO YOU ARE matters more than WHAT you have, look like, or can do.
   
5. Mom, your own personal growth will be your true legacy to your child.
   
   Don’t neglect yourself. Continue to invest in yourself, to learn, to test yourself, and to grow as a person and parent.
   
   “We will be a mother until we breathe our last breath,” says Laura. “Our continued growth will trump any successes, talents, failures or mistakes we think will impact them more. It is our greatest example.”

For more information about Malcolm and Laura Gauld, the Hyde Schools and programs for teenagers, contact Rose Mulligan at (207) 837-9441, by email at [email protected] or visit greatparenting101.com or hyde.edu.

Martin Luther King Day: How Parents Can Help the Dream Live On

On January 18, we celebrate the birthday of the late Martin Luther King - and we celebrate also how many aspects of his legendary “I have a dream” speech have come to pass since then, including the election last year of the first African-American president of the United States, Barack Obama.

Over the decades since King’s assassination, we have remembered him as a heroic opponent of injustice, and perhaps as a martyr to the cause of unmet civil rights. But with election of Obama, and its shockwave of hope that went around the world, perhaps now we can see deeper into the workings of character-and how Dr. King’s priorities, commitment, and dedication to his beliefs planted seeds that would grow to fruition in only two generations.

This is, of course, a great example to our children, and those who were able to witness the election will not forget it.

But how can today’s parents help their children to nurture their dreams-and develop the character to live them out-in a culture that has become increasingly materialistic and success-oriented since the 1960s?

“Our culture and our educational system have become preoccupied with achievement since the time of Dr. King,” says Malcolm Gauld, president of Hyde Schools, author, and expert in character education and parenting.

“We have come to measure success by jobs, grades, test scores, awards, and the cars we drive. We have created an atmosphere that places image and results over inspiration and the process of learning. Nonetheless, inspiration and the learning process remain at the core of growth.

“In a character culture, achievement is valued, but principles are valued more. That is, what you stand for is more important than how you are stacking up against others.”

“Character is inspired, not imparted,” says Gauld. “We cannot pour it into our kids or our families. It takes work, and sometimes we put our relationships at risk when we hold to our convictions as parents. But the strongest relationships are those resting on a foundation of principles.”

The Gaulds teach those principles through what they call the 10 PRIORITIES - a collection of guiding concepts that are not always easy to embrace, but which produce great lasting results. They are explained here:

PRIORITY #1-TRUTH OVER HARMONY
We all want honest families. We also want everyone to get along. Which do we want more? This priority calls upon parents to put the weight of their feet on the side of truth.

PRIORITY #2-PRINCIPLES OVER RULES
We tend to apply rules when things start to spin out of control. But rules alone are not a guiding force. Rules must be rooted in deep principles.

PRIORITY #3-ATTITUDE OVER APTITUDE
Parents can help their children by sending the message that honest efforts are more important than successful outcomes.

PRIORITY #4-SET HIGH EXPECTATIONS and LET GO OF THE OUTCOMES
We need to aim high with our expectations for our kids and resist “lowering the bar” when we sense that our children are encountering difficulty. Letting go of the outcome allows our children to take responsibility for their actions.

PRIORITY #5-VALUE SUCCESS AND FAILURE
Today’s parents have a hard time letting their children fail. Success is important, but failure can teach powerful lifelong lessons leading to profound personal growth.

PRIORITY #6-ALLOW OBSTACLES TO BECOME OPPORTUNITIES
We can get caught up in trying to “fix” our children’s problems (e.g., disagreements with their teachers, coaches, etc.) instead of seeing the potential for positive learning opportunities.

PRIORITY #7-TAKING HOLD AND LETTING GO
It is hard to watch our children struggle with life’s challenges. When should we step in? When should we step away? This is one of the toughest parenting dilemmas. We practice letting go, when appropriate.

PRIORITY #8-CREATE A CHARACTER CULTURE
This priority can help parents create an atmosphere of character in the home through the application of a three-point plan: a daily job, a weekly family meeting, and a concept called “mandatory fun.”

PRIORITY #9-HUMILITY TO ASK FOR AND RECEIVE HELP
While parents focus on helping their children, many avoid asking others for help. Consequently, they raise children who do not ask for help.

PRIORITY #10-INSPIRATION: JOB #1
Regardless of what they might say or do, children and teens share a deep yearning to be inspired by their parents. Ironically, we will not inspire our children with our achievements. We best inspire them when we share our struggles, reach for our best, and model daily character.

For more information about Laura and Malcolm Gauld, their parenting seminars, and the Hyde Schools, please contact Rose Mulligan at 207-443-7379 or at [email protected], or visit www.greatparenting101.com and www.hyde.edu.

Your Kids Are Worrying about Your Holiday Finances

Stress is no longer an arena solely experienced by and studied in adults.

According to the American Psychological Association’s Annual Stress in America survey, 75 percent of adults are feeling moderate to high stress - and children and teens are also feeling the effects of stress, with worries that include the family’s finances.

The survey asked more than 1,500 adults over the age of 18 about their stress levels - and, for the first time, the survey included children, asking more than 1,200 young people ages 8 to 17 about stress in their lives.

In another survey conducted earlier this year by Harris Interactive, 30 percent of kids said they worried about family financial difficulties.

“Parents may try to conceal it to protect their children, but kids sense their parents’ stress,” says Malcolm Gauld, who is president of Hyde Schools and, along with wife Laura, co-author of the parenting book, ‘The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have’ (Scribner).

“This time of year may bring it out even more,” adds Laura Gauld. “Kids are worrying about the importance of holiday gifts as well as the effect of a challenging economy on their families.”

First, the Gaulds offer advice on parenting during what is both a beautiful and perhaps pressured time of year.

“Try not to hide your challenges and concerns from your kids,” says Laura.

“This may be difficult, and go against the grain of most parents’ idea of strength and a stiff upper lip. But you’re really not hiding anything from your kids. They will know you are struggling, and are likely to worry more if you are not communicating about life’s circumstances.”

“The fact is, as adults we don’t have all of the answers,” says Malcolm.

“And many of us are focused so completely on filling our kids’ needs that we don’t realize when we veer from a healthy attitude toward ourselves, our family and the bigger picture of life. When parents stop focusing solely on their kids and start focusing on their own attitudes, a shift may occur and opportunities for growth present themselves, including a loss of fear. Rather than living in the stress, some communication about our struggles can give families a fresh start at sharing and making meaning - about their values, their plans, their journey, and their future.”

In the end, say the Gaulds, what children need from their parents is inspiration.

And that is not to be found in achievements, material success or the image of perfection.

“Admitting to our limitations as parents allows us to liberate ourselves…and our children…from a societal pressure of perfection and achievement,” adds Laura. “We free ourselves up and, in the process, inspire our children through example. We will not inspire our children with our achievements. We best inspire them when we share our struggles and reach for our best.”

Also, the Gaulds offer tips to help parents and their kids get the most out of their time together during, what is for many families, a time of celebration as well as cutting costs.

1. Use this holiday season to build or renew family traditions. The big picture of raising children is done with the actions, routines, and practices that make up a lifetime of memories, habits, and character. It is never too late to start a family tradition, and often the value of these actions will be seen looking back on one’s upbringing.

2. Have a weekly family meeting. Pick one evening each week when everyone gets together and openly shares what is on their mind - good news, concerns, fears, future plans. All members of the family share.

3. Return to having dinner together. The value of a shared daily meal with family has been proven in studies to combat depression, teen pregnancy, and drug use in high school students. So light the candles and engage in lively conversation. If a shared meal seems an impossible task, remember that an improvement in parenting requires a commitment to priorities - and those priorities need to be made clear.

4. Family Jobs: Make sure that every family member has a job in the home, a contribution to the house and family. There are ways to make this fun and to help children take enormous pride in their work.

5. Community service: During a family meeting, parents and their children talk about the various community service opportunities during the holidays from which they can choose. Everyone gets a vote, and once the decision is made about where the family will do service, everyone participates in helping someone else enjoy the holidays.

“Often the value of actions such as these is realized looking back at one’s upbringing,” Malcolm adds. “As parents we have the opportunity to sow these actions, and what we’ll find is they will strengthen a culture in our homes that supports our best and also creates important memories - memories that will not be dependent on any economic circumstances.”